Look at this picture. You see the two batsmen that scored the winning 300 or so runs carrying a bowler. Why? Well... The bastard has 999 international wickets. He is the first to get 700 test wickets. Oh, and he got a 5 for 39. In front of his home crowd. Plus a handy 40 odd with the bat. And that other guy? Only Glenn fuckng McGrath, the only challenger for the most ever test ducks ever. Ever. Christ. The only way to beat Australia involves the unorthodox employment of snipers and weaponry prohibited by the Geneva convention. Anf that dude in the background? Brett Lee, an assassin. Fastest bowler in the world never to be found guilty of steroid abuse.

In other news, I conquered a mountain in Bulgaria, a country in which it is aparently impossible to out-drink your wallet. I've been on the J&B all fucking day and still have the same approximate amount in my pocket. That is; 100,000 roubles, zloty, leva, shekels, lira or whatever the fuck it is that passes for shells and shiny pebbles in this fucking warzone of a country. There's enough snow to break my neck and I have also discovered a powerful desire to own a Lada.

Tomorrow morning I must organise a transfer to Sophia. I am tempted to send my travelling companions on a goose chase, and go myself in abject style by stretch humvee.

've been sucking down the J&B all arvo, and I've spent approximately 12 pence sterling. There are people here that will pay for the vitamins in your piss in cold hard cash, and willing to take it warm. And the worst perversion of all is the presence of Endemol: Deal or no Deal? Big Brother? I only wish I could type the words in cryllic...